the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
