you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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