If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
