If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
