his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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