I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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