Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want to make out with him forever
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
tell me about the fingering
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