It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i love accidental penises.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
