i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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