well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
