Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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