so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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