peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
