If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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