I'm laying in your front yard are you home
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
