She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
