Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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