Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
