In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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