He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize