i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
did you just send me my own nude
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
