What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
