Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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