We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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