david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
