I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
