dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
