Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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