Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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