was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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