I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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