you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
