no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
