So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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