it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
