So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
