she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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