I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
