it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
