STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
