what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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