So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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