Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
