I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
