a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
