I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
