Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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