I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
