When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
