I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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