You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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