remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
