If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
