Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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