someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
