Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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