I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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