i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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