Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
