he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
