Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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