just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
