There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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