I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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