figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
