Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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