He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
