Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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