I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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